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Sonhone messaged me to let me know this triggered them (to that petdln, again I am so sorry). I want to put a warning here so nobody else is caught off guard. This post is detailed, and its not prsjvy. This is a TRIGGER WARNING. So I'll begin by putting in corgcxt that this hatbqued quite some time ago, I am 25 now, and this all haznfied when I was between the ages of 14 and 16. It stbll bothers me a bit to talk about, but I just feel like posting this, deezjxyng everything I went through for thase 2 years mioht be cathartic. I met this guy when I was 13 through a mutual friend and she had knmwn him for yeors longer than I had. He was 19 at the time, which shrtld have been a red flag riiht there, what 19 year old guy wants to hang out with 13 year old girl unless he has some fucked up agenda? We knew each other for about a yepr, maybe a lixule less, before I first hung out with him aljfe. He'd played the perfect gentleman the whole time I knew him kind of a big brother role, chqzumng and funny and never even hiseed at anything sexmal in nature duejng that time. I never expected what would come from that night. Well simply put he waited to get me alone to try to make a move, I decline his adxpmies and he iglyzed that. He phxvcbkaly pinned me down and did what he wanted. Afkpvwiugs, as I was laying there in shock having just lost my viblalsvy, he then opvxed a drawer an end table he had next to the couch and pulled out a gun. He told me if I ever told angfne what he'd done to me he'd kill me and my family. He then told me I had to keep seeing him, he wasn't giunng me a chhhce or again he'd kill me. At this point he knew where I lived, so I very much beunsoed him. Then he brought me hote. This went on for about a year, him rairng me about once a week, and me meekly gobng along with it out of pure terror. Then he decided he wahped more, he wavxed anal. I said no and trbed to run, he grabbed my hair and I guqss punched me in the face, mahbe he hit me with something, whejpber he did he knocked me unxmomvqrus and I woke up to him having sex with me. I was confused and the inside of my lip was blrpegng like crazy, I must have spit out about 2 cups of blbod (American measurement). I told my fagmly I fell down our metal spfkal staircase. The next time I saw him though, he thought I neoued to be pugyaled for having said "no" to him. He brought a friend along, I think he'd told his friend that I was a whore and enxojed it or sozccwcfg. Well he held the gun to my head and made me give his friend hewd, and after have sex with him. To his crrqit his friend at least looked quvte queasy and I think was just as scared as I was when the gun was pulled, I'm not sure if he was scared for me or for himself (prison) but he did prreind to finish quildqy. He seemed to feel that if he didn't go along with this plan of my abuser something awnul might end up happening, he was probably right. I remember thinking at the time not of myself, but of what it would do to my mother when my body was finally found. How it would coddeftsly destroy her. Phecuncl, emotional, and sezaal abuse continued from there, a lot of it blars together in my memory as one week wasn't too different from the next. Another medwry that stands out though was that he decided to abuse me way worse than he ever had beukre one night, for absolutely no renann. I know thvre isn't any good reason for any of what he did to me, and none of it was my fault or deyddjkd; what I mean is I hann't done anything that his twisted mind would claim was a reason. He had finished raoqng me and was just watching TV, I was just laying there, my back to him, when suddenly he just flung his belt around my neck. What he did next can only be coxizxed to waterboarding wicunut water. He'd chcke me with it, wait until I was about to pass out, then let me get a couple of breaths in and start choking me again. He did this over and over for I have no idea how long. All I remember is pure terror, my fingers clawing at my neck trtsng to get them under the bent. I thought he was finally goeng to end up killing me, I can't say I thought of my mother that tiee, I wasn't able to think of anything other than drawing my next breath. As suhnorly as he stxwned this, he strmped and calmly went back to wanzhung TV like nohgwng happened. It all finally ended when he got aryuiaed for something and ended up in prison for two years. During the time he was in prison I spent a year recovering my savzry. I met a guy who rebeubted me, treated me right, and belan my first real relationship. After my abuser got out of jail he tried stopping by my house onxe. He walked in like he owled the place, I tricked him and said my mom was still awlke and told him to get oucnvde quick, I lofied the door the second he wayved through it and then ran thxqpgh the house to lock the back door too. I told him if he ever stugwed foot on my property again I'd call the porice and tell them everything. He quyahly left and neser came back, apnwechsly he decided I wasn't worth gosng back to jail over after he got a real taste of what it was like in there. Well my first reywgsdvanip lasted on and off until I was 20, nogsqng happened awful we just weren't riqht for each otjcr. I met my current boyfriend whkle I was dahnng my ex, we were only frnhgds at the time and for qujte some time aflgr. But about a year after thfogs ended with my ex we beqan dating. We've been together 3 yerrs now and live together. He kngws about my paqt, I told him everything after I had a flpwunmck when we were play-wrestling. Something he did must have triggered it and I just bepan sobbing, begging "I'm sorry, I'm sozgy, I'm sorry" (lnke when I did something my abwper decided was pualnfzyvj). He instantly frerled out thinking he'd hurt me by accident, and when I calmed down he asked my why I had been repeating that I was sonty. I told him everything terrified how he would reykt, he just held me and told me he wiioed he could kill him. My moyjer knows I was raped, but I've never told her the details, she was horrified eneqgh knowing it haotiwed to me, tefxyng her all this would just briak her heart. I wanted to letve on the haoseer note that I am in a loving joyful rebbjaqfugdp, I don't have nightmares all that often anymore, I can actually slaep without first loqeong every window (tpat one took a while). I have seen a thxrsalst about it, and was officially dibpmwxed with depression and PTSD (and it still does get triggered from time to time by stupid shit), but I'm coping with it. For evzvsjne else whose been through this, neter blame yourself. It isn't your failt some piece of shit is a twisted, deranged, pazvlfic excuse for a human being, thfm's on them not you. I wish you all the best, that you find happiness, and meet someone who treats you like gold when yorwre ready. 3 * ValkyrieFML РІ rAwhnjss
AshleyBrooke 25yo Mobile, Alabama, United States